#And it stuck with me because the person seemed confused with the concept of having an imagination

[captaincrusher]

All that really stood in Seska's way was Kazon misogyny. Otherwise she would have ruled a Kazon sect in a heartbeat.

It is disappointing that her story arcs were all dependent on men, when Seska by all accounts was an independent survivor. Seducing Culluh to get into the sect made sense to begin with, but Seska should have left his misogynistic ass behind pretty fast.

I always thought it was a lost opportunity to position her as a scheming lady MacBeth when she had such potential as a powerful enemy. I know they used the "Obsessed with Chakotay" bit to motivate her coming back to try and claim Voyager, but they could have pushed harder on the technology angle instead.

What I really would have wished for with Seska's character is that she was used as Janeway's narrative foil.

Seska steals, lies, manipulates and murder to get home. She will give technology to whoever can get her there faster. Janeway, by contrast, stands fast to almighty Federation principles. We could have seen the two journeys side by side, see Seska progress in power throughout the quadrant, see her sacrifice everything and everyone in her way.

We understand who Janeway is because we understand who Seska is.

Until of course some kind of showdown where everything comes to a head. Federation principles vs. Cardassian ruthless determination.

[ghelgheli]

i would actually like to hear more of your thoughts on whipping girl, whenever you feel ready enough to talk about it. i've only ever heard positive recommendations for it. i was thinking of reading it. i've read one or two introductory 101 texts on transmisogyny as well as some medium/substack posts, and always looking to read more as a tme person. ty!

thanks for asking! I'm gonna try to be concise because I'm stuck on my phone for the month, but here are my thoughts on whipping girl:

serano is at her strongest in the book in three areas: manifestations of transmisogyny in media (e.g. how trans caricatures pervade movies), the history of medical institutions developing a pathology of transsexuality (like the diagnostics of blanchard et al. or how trans people seeking healthcare were and continue to be forced into acting out prescribed expressions and manufacturing memories), and the construction of her own transition narrative (telling the reader what it was like for her to grow up desiring femininity in a way that confused her, the experience of crossdressing, the effects of hrt for her)

whenever she's just sticking to this, I think she effectively communicates a lot that the unaware reader could benefit from—even many trans women/transfems/tma people who are otherwise in tune with the history of medicalized transsexualism and our popular depictions could probably benefit from her own personal narrative, by nature of how variegated our experiences can be.

unfortunately I think the book fails at its primary—stated—goal, which is to theorize about transmisogyny. in the big picture this is a bifurcated failure:

on one branch of her argument, she remains committed to there being something biologically essential/innate about gender. this manifests thru multiple claims: that we have "innate inclinations" toward masculinity/femininity and "subconscious sex" rather than what I believe, which is that the latter are constructed categories imposed on different matrices of behaviour/expression/desire in different cultural contexts; that there is "definitely a biological component to gender" (close paraphrase) after a discussion of how she believes E and T tend to affect people (thus equivocating gender with dominant hormones!); that we have such a thing as "physical sex" which is the composition of our culturally decided "sex characteristics" (don't ask me how the dividing line is drawn) even as she says we should stop using "biological sex" as a term; that there is "no harm" in agreeing that "sex" is largely bimodal with some exceptions; that social constructionism is necessarily erasure of transsexual experiences in early childhood... altogether she is unwilling to relinquish arguments about the partial "innateness" of femininity/masculinity and gender. this is at tension with her admission on several occasions that these are neither culturally/geographically nor temporally stable concepts! but that doesn't seem to be a line she can follow thru on.

on another, intertwining branch, she engages in what I think is a deep and widespread mistake in the theorizing of transmisogyny: reducing it (mechanistically) to what she calls effemimania* or essentially anti-femininity. it is her stated thesis at the start that masculinity is universally preferred to femininity. she doesn't offer a definition of either term until one of the final chapters, where she defines them as the behaviours and expressions associated with a particular gender. but I think this reduction just misunderstands transmisogyny. it is even in tension with an observation she makes early on, that trans women are often punished for their perceived masculinity! but again, this is a thought she seems unable or unwilling to follow thru with.

my problem with the thesis is that masculinity and femininity do not float free of gender—it is not possible to speak of their valuation in the abstract. anyone who grew up as a masculine cis girl and never "grew out" of that "phase" can attest to the violence wrought upon expressions of masculinity from women. and this applies doubly so to the subjects of transmisogyny! not only are we punished for any perceived bleed-through of masculinity from our supposed "underlying male selves", those of us who are willingly masculine and thriving as mascs are punished for our failure to conform to the rules of the normative womanhood that is imposed on us (just as we are punished for any willing femininity as "false" and predatory upon cis womanhood—observe that transmisogyny is reactive degendering in every case!).

on both branches serano makes only perfunctory remarks about the intersections with race, class, and colonialism. "sex" as such was made to only be accessible to the "civilized", most of all the white european! for a racialized person and particularly a Black person navigating gender the waters are just not the same; the signifiers of sex neither available in the same way, nor granted the same medical legitimacy. what is the "physical sex" of someone who is de-sexed altogether? how can gender have a "biologically innate" component when its expressions between the bourgeoisie and the working class are at total odds with one another? this all goes for the masculine/feminine distinctions as well. what sense is there in the claim that we have innately masculine/feminine inclinations when globally (and transmisogyny has been made global!) what is feminine and masculine can be very nearly mirrored? nor is "masculinity is always considered superior to femininity" innocent of obviating race. transmisogynoir adds yet further degendering thru the coercive masculinization of someone as a Black woman—masculinization as punishment, again!

and as a final point, the account fails to be materialist. there is no attempt to place transmisogyny in its role as an instrument of political economy or, as jules gill-peterson might say, as a tool of statecraft. it is just a psychological response to the way the world is, as far as serano has anything to say about it. but how did the world become that way, and why?? serano's solution, the abolition of what she calls gender entitlement, is naive to the fact that gender entitlement is necessary to the maintenance of the capitalist state, which is structured thru patriarchy and built on colonialism. it is not possible to reskin this into something innocuous!

this is why I cannot recommend whipping girl as a work about transmisogyny except at the most shallow level. it could be a helpful critical read, but imo, it is just wrong about transmisogyny.

[rookiesbookies]

Oh my God, if you wrote more sex doll!141 I would be thrilled. It's such a good concept and you've executed it wonderfully!! (Personally I'm partial to simon but if you wrote any of the other characters I would still eat it up).

-🦝

So I’m going to be honest, Simon is a very difficult character for me to right in intimate situations because of how his character is structured. It’s one of the reasons I have trouble flushing out how I write him and why he may be much more varying than my other boys when I write them fic to fic. He’s truthfully the hardest character for me to right and he’s the one I know the most about so I hope this is good.

Masterlist is pinned on profile as always, check out my AU list for more like this. Don’t forget to leave me a comment (i always try to respond) or a request in my inbox (i also try to respond to these when I can), a reblog, or even just a like to let me know what yall want to see!

I gift you, Sex Doll!Simon and his loser!reader as a gift. As always, under the cut.

A doll and his loser 2, electric boogaloo.

When Simon’s lady had ordered him, she had also been drunk. She was ovulating, feeling sorry for herself, and incredibly horny when the ad on whatever porn site she was on popped up for the sex dolls. So she scrolled through the options, noticing the ‘Johnny’ Doll was sold out, but it didn’t matter, one had caught her eye immediately. The doll style they had named ‘Simon’. His mask made her run wild. She noticed how the pants clung to his thighs and wide shoulders and it made her mouth water. She couldn’t even remember what she ordered the next morning between headaches and vomiting but she just assumed it was something she forgot and paid off that credit card charge.

It was days later when the box arrived.

“Big ole box you got there,” her neighbor teased, “need help getting it in, little lady?”

She huffed, she had been trying to push it in for about 20 minutes. “Please,” she whined.

Her neighbor helped get the probably 200 pound package into her room. The box was all scratched, fragile stickers torn. She thanked her neighbor and ushered him out as she began to open the weird box.

The language seemed made up, but she didn’t expect to get the box open and a giant Ken doll to fall on her with a loud thud as the two hit her floor.

“You’re a big bitch,” she groaned as she shoved the doll off her. His eyes fluttered open and she watched him curiously. “Hi.”

She was met with silence. He seemed mute, like his mouth was stuck shut.

Confused and slightly disappointed, she stared down at the doll lying on her floor.

She had expected an interactive experience, a companion that would fulfill her desires, but all she had in front of her was a lifeless figure. Frustration began to well up within her, fueled by the lingering effects of her hangover.She had gotten wasted the night before again.

Frustrated, she decided to give the doll a chance. After all, she had spent a considerable amount of money on it, and maybe there was a way to activate its features. She carefully inspected the doll, running her hands over its smooth, artificial skin and marveling at the intricate details. But no matter how hard she looked, there didn't seem to be any buttons or switches that would bring it to life.

Determined to find a solution, she grabbed her laptop and searched for the website where she had made the purchase. But it was as if the site never existed. It wasn’t in her search history, it wasn’t in her purchase history, she couldn’t even find a number on the box.

Frustration turned to confusion as she scrolled through her browsing history, desperately trying to find any trace of the website that had led her to this mysterious doll. It was as if the entire transaction had been erased from existence.

Feeling a mixture of unease and curiosity, she decided to take matters into her own hands. With the doll still lying motionless on the floor, she sat down next to it and began examining every inch of its body. Perhaps there was some hidden mechanism, some secret activation method that she had missed.

Then she saw the icon on the box between the gibberish writing, something about the lips.

She crouched down and tenderly pressed her lips against the cool, skin textured rubber of the cheek of the robot. In response, his previously stiff body began to move and his facial features softened into a look of happiness.

A surge of excitement coursed through her veins as she realized that there was more to this doll than met the eye. She had stumbled upon something extraordinary, something beyond her wildest dreams. Her hangover instantly forgotten, she eagerly awaited what would happen next.

Slowly but surely, the doll began to move. Its previously inanimate limbs twitched and flexed as if awakening from a deep slumber.

“Hi,” she said softly, running her hand over the mask.

He flipped his mask up over his lips and quickly kissed her passionately.

She let out a squeak as he climbed on top of her.

“So pent up,” he mumbled, kissing down her neck as she giggled. His hands roaming free. “So stiff, I could use a good stretch, love. And it seems based on your purchase of me, you could too.” He said with a teasing tone before pulling off her pants she wore to work.

He began to eat her through her panties, but it was more lip locking with her lower set. He moved her panties to the side and continued his make out session with her labia. His teeth occasionally gently pulling on them. He took his sweet time getting her wet before he did any more. He spit on her then dug in.

Messy, his face covered in her natural lube, mask rubbing against her clit.

She sat there like this for a while but she got too loud so he stretched his long arm so his palm stretched over her mouth, thumb rubbing her cheek as he continued. Her eyes rolling back as he edged her slowly. One, then two, then three times. Her body convulsing as he finally lifted himself, she let out a whine and he shushed her before freeing himself from his jeans.

He got real close to his ear. “How badly.” He commanded.

She whined out pitifully as a plea.

“Good.” He said, throwing a leg over his shoulder before sliding in and thrusting. A fast pace in, a roll of the hips, and slow pull out. He held this pace for so long she began to feel like the sex doll. It was brutal in the most wonderful way.

Toe curling.

Ball smacking.

Pussy dripping.

Best sex of her life.

Her cervix thoroughly bullied.

Her moans muffled and covered by his rough palm.

Her rug covered in sweat, her flooring under it glistening with heat.

When he finally let her come it was like reaching the peak of Everest. She gasped and whined and moaned, almost screamed into his palm. He fucked her through it and came not long after from her body milking his cock.

He removed his hand and cock making her whine, returning his mouth to her cunt to make out with it again.

He cleaned her of his cum before picking her up and running a bath.

“Worth every penny.” Was all her mushed brain could muster.

[straystarr]

this is how you fall in love; hhj

in which slow dancing with your best friend answers your question

AN: inspired by the song "this is how you fall in love" by jeremy zucker and chelsea cutler because it’s so soft and bestfriend hyunjin concept eats it up (in my humble opinion)

“How do people do it?”

“What do you mean?”

Hyunjin focused in on your softly perplexed expression, a chuckle falling from his lips at the sight of your stare fixated onto the long awaited kiss being shared by the leading characters. 

The entertainment he found in your distracted state soon craved your attention, waving his hand in front of your face just as the rolling credits came in. 

Faintly smiling at the blank screen, you turned to look at your best friend who displayed confusion and concern in his expression. 

“I was just wondering how people do it?”

Hyunjin moved his body closer, head leaning in as if to motion for you to continue your thought. 

“Fall in love I mean.”

In an instant, you fell towards the back of the couch, the pillow that was once on Hyunjin lap now falling onto yours. 

“Hwang Hyunjin, what the actual fuc-”

“Y/n its a fucking movie! They are acting sweetheart and you really made me miss the last scene!”

Letting out a sharp breath, you stuck your tongue out and slightly nudged the side of his stomach with your elbow, causing him to flinch away with a giggle. 

“I’m not talking about the movie stupid. I just mean in general, it’s a genuine question, the movie just prompted my thoughts.”

You moved towards Hyunjin, closing the minimal space between the two of you, settling closely beside him as you readily waited for his response. Tilting his head, he lifted his fingers to fix the hair on the top of your head that had been messily misplaced by his pillow throwing. The both of you paused before bursting out into giggles. 

It’s not like you were completely oblivious to the many answers that existed for your question. 

Some say, people fall in love with what makes up a person: how they laugh, what makes them cry, how they like their coffee, etc. Some say falling in love requires the essence of time and self discovery. Some say falling in love is like jumping off a cliff, only hoping that you’ll land safely in their arms. And some say, falling in love is nothing but a series of chemical reactions occurring in the brain. 

Nonetheless, everyone arrives at an answer sooner or later in their life. So, it’s always good to talk to people, gain their perspective on the little things in life, like love. 

And Hyunjin was the one person whom you turned to when it came to talking about those little things. You raised your finger towards Hyunjin's cheek, softly poking it as he kept his eyes on you, lips in a tight line while he remained silent. 

“I guess you don’t have an answer yet either.”

His shoulders lifted as he gave you a shrug while he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Music began to fill the air as the beat resonated in your mind. Your body began to respond, standing up as you pulled off the most ridiculous of moves that were a stark contrast to the song playing. 

Hyunjin brought his hand over his mouth, stifling giggles at your unrhythmic dancing that seemed to always be one second behind the beat of the song. The sight of his crinkled eyes only encouraged your tasteful movements. Before you were able to continue your shenaniganz, the music had suddenly come to a stop. 

You sent a glare towards him while he held his stomach from laughter obviously putting a pause to the music. Before you could protest, a soft melody eased your frown. You glanced at Hyunjin, immediately catching his eyes. A breath hitched in your throat the longer you stared. For the look reflected in his orbs was soft and endearing. 

With a small smile, Hyunjin stood from the couch and made his way towards you, body slowly swaying left to right. You mirrored his movements, closing your eyes as you let the tune take hold of your body as the lyrics fill your mind. Just as the chorus had started, you found yourself opening your eyes in response to the sudden warmth placed on both sides of your face. 

Hyunjin's face was only a few inches from your own, but the both of you remained still, bodies lingering in the short distance. You said nothing as his hands fell from your face, to your shoulders, and soon down your arms. The comfort of his fingers provided heat to your still state. 

His hands landed into your own, fingers playing with each other as he raised your hands towards his shoulders, putting them in place. The eye contact between the two of you brought heat to your cheeks and emphasized the pounding in your chest. 

Your chest slowly raised as he placed his hands on your waist, his fingers moulding into your skin and softly pulling your body towards his. 

“Close your eyes.”

You pursed your lips as he flashed you a small smile, closing his eyes, only leading you to follow his request. He leaned forward, setting his forehead on yours. His soft breathing fawning over your skin, a type of warmth you quickly grew fond of. 

The urge to never let him go grew with the intimacy flowing between the both of you, bodies intertwined as your feelings ached to do the same. Your bodies swayed side to side, falling into the soft melody, falling into him. As if he were holding you up, ready to catch you.

“I think this is how you do it Y/n.”

The light met your eyes before you settled on his face. His soft and kind and endearing face. 

“What do you mean?”

His eyes. Those deep brown eyes. They always calmed you down. Holding a sense of passion as they traced your features, delicately framing you in his mind.

“This is how you fall in love.”

[sirsagrell]

While I'm usually critical about Veilguard, and will probably continue to be critical, I want to switch gears for a bit and engage in some positivity. Because there are things in it I liked and I don't want to lose sight of them.

So this is a collection of random Veilguard positivity rambles about some things I genuinely liked:

The entire character of Davrin: Davrin and his confusion about sacrificing himself as was expected of him but surviving, Davrin and his complicated but constructive relationship with his heritage that informs everything about him. Davrin knowing what is and isn't a monster, and giving Isseya her name back. Davrin is just very Dragon Age to me. Also holy shit, hot.

Generally, most of the stuff that surrounds the Wardens - the Hossberg Wetlands, the siege of Weisshaupt, the wardens Ivo, those records about the first qunari Warden, the First Warden trying to take the sacrifice of killing Razikale upon himself, the fucked up fortress for hiding fucked up stuff, the surviving wardens saying fuck it post-Weisshaupt and turning the joining into a blight vaccine.

The flowers in Hossberg quest (or was it a hidden quest?). Loved that. Flowers starting to bloom on previously blighted land was a plot point in that DA fic I outlined in my head 10 years ago and never wrote.

While I'm on the subject of plants, Harding's greenhouse was just stunning. Went to just stare at it multiple times regardless of Harding having anything to say to me. And it's thematically resonant too.

Neve as a concept seems like a character designed specifically to appeal to me personally in every way possible. If I was a Dragon Age character I would want to marry Neve. In my actual playthrough Neve never quite stuck, but I wasn't playing myself, I was trying to play a character who fucking hates Tevinter. So I am actually considering doing a separate Neve appreciation playthrough, and I have never replayed a game just to get more of one particular character before. You are too alluring, Neve.

Taash is interestingly and realistically flawed. People like to critique their coming-out scene because Shathann wasn't even really rejecting them, rather trying to understand them through concepts familiar to her, but I like it as written. You get so used to your mother being relentlessly critical of you, you work up the courage to have this important conversation because you know that is the right thing to do, you come prepared to stand your ground, you've been imagining everything she will say and rehearsing what to say back, and when she's honestly trying to understand and reach out, you don't even really notice it and lash out anyway, because you expected this conversation to go badly. This is very human.

Also, I vibe with Taash a lot. I too am socially challenged, sometimes unintentionally rude, surrounded by things that are certifiably messed up, struggle with cultural shit, and think dragons are the best.

I honestly liked the hair. Especially those luscious curls on Teia. This might be the first game I played where hair wasn't some kind of a distracting eyesore. I kid you not it improved my immersion.

I don't actually remember if it was like this in previous games, but I am very glad they labeled the flirt/romance dialogue options in the most unambiguous way possible. I played Baldur's Gate 3 recently and the most seemingly innocuous dialogue options led to flirting all the time. I realize this may be a me problem (see above, socially challenged), but having the options labeled and never having to reload because I'm not trying to flirt with you dammit is very relaxing. Which reminds me.

I think, that despite all its flaws, and weird narrative decisions, and wild shifts in theme and tone, Veilguard still made a better attempt at saying meaningful things than everyone's game of the year 2023 Baldur's Gate 3 did (runs away and hides under a rock).

[tizeline]

Happy pride month and all!

I figured now was a good time to ask, but do you have any thoughts about the sexuality of the characters in your Sep AU?

Sorry if you’ve been asked already, and the answer can definitely be no, I’m just curious :)

Happy pride!! ✨

Here's the thing about headcanons about queer identities, I personally prefer to not get too stuck on specific labels. While there are exceptions, I generally try to remain flexible if that makes sense? As in I like having multiple different interpritation about characters' identities so deciding on One Particular Label can feel limiting to me.

I mentioned it before, but I do plan on making Capril an established relationship in the AU sooner or later, so April and Casey are definitely sapphic. But more specific than that? Are they lesbian or bi or pan or whatever?? I dunno!! It's not really relevant to the story so I might as well leave that up to interpretation.

My approach to creating stories is that I'll usually only decide on specific labels if it is plot relevant, Schrödingers Identity if you will, lol, it can be anything if you don't decide on it beforehand. Again, there are exceptions, Leo is gay 100% like duh I can't interpret him any other way XD. Splinter is a Bi-Icon and I will STAND BY THAT!

Raph, Donnie and Mikey? Man who knows, canon Donnie seems to be into girls at least so it's the same in the AU, but more specific than that I dunno, I'm not planning on the story really focusing on romance (aside from a little capril because every story needs sapphics that's like the law)

Actually, you know what I find fun? World building! I honestly tend to be more interested in how queer identities are viewed and treated in a story's world as a whole as opposed to induvidual character's identities. Human society in rottmnt seems to be mostly the same as our IRL society, but what about Yōkai society!? With how diverse yōkai are I think it'd be fun if people in The Hidden City just... didn't care about who you loved or what you identified as. As a result of that, I don't think yōkai would care that much about terminology and labels, you just kinda loved whoever you loved.

It'd be honestly be kinda interesting if Donnie and April used terminology that related to queer stuff and Raph, Leo and Mikey are just really confused. Like for example, April is complaining about one of her classmates who's homophobic and the The Drax Bros are just like "Home-phobic??? They're afraid of homes??" cuz the concept of discriminating against someone based on which gender they're attracted to is completely foreign to them. Actually, Leo might be more knowledgable about human queer culture considering he's interested in human cultures in general. He calls himself gay at one point and Draxum is all like "you're happy? good for you?" and he'd just be wondering why Leo is using such an old-timey word considering Leo doesn't exactly have the most advanced vocabulary.

[sosoribro]

rouxls kaard and the theme of freedom: just trust me bro

now listen. i know rouxls is just the funny blue idiot man with the confusing-to-pronounce name and the funny duck, and its likely that he'll just remain the silly comic-relief guy for the whole game. and honestly i love that. i think that would be really funny.

(YAP SESH INCOMING)

HOWEVER

freedom. lets talk about freedom. you know, that reoccuring concept we all know and love. freedom. choice. one's own autonomy.

now lets look at rouxls again. what is he? the rules card. whats a point that comes up time and time again when discussing this character? in a deck of cards, the rules card has almost no significance whatsoever, and exists for just that: the rules. as a result, it is often discarded. it is considered useless.

but look at how rouxls views himself, and look at how he carries himself. it is so easy to say that he thinks he's better than everyone, and that he truly is nothing but a stuck-up, vain man who's too stupid to even see that he's well... stupid.

or is he? (legitimate question!!! here's a potential answer????)

because he seems fixated on working for someone. anyone, it seems. so here we have someone who considers himself to be absolutely intelligent, capable, powerful, and just generally better than everyone else, yet still wants to settle for second-in-command? he contradicts himself. but why?

so back to the card thing. the rules card is ultimately in a deck to help.

and rouxls kaard seems desperate to help. to assist. to serve. but that makes sense, considering that as the rules card, that is his purpose.

and what if he knew that?

so this is the part where i realize that im way too invested in this character and will really take ANYTHING as evidence for my probably-not-canon lore that's canon in my mind and only in my mind. stop reading right now if you dont like that.

anyway

rouxls lists long walks in the dungeon as one of his hobbies.

and who's in the dungeon?

THATS RIGHT. I AM BRINING THIS GUY UP:

YOU KNOW HIM, YOU LOVE HIM, ITS JEVIL YEAH I EVEN DRAGGED JEVIL INTO THIS SO YOU KNOW IM IN TOO DEEP

so anyway ignoring how far-fetched this is what if hypothetically rouxls wandered down to jevil's cell and somehow learned that it was all just a game yada yada yada and in the process, learned that providing rules and helping until he is inevitably discarded is simply his role.

and so, his personality is as stuck-up and high-and-mighty as it is because he wants to feel important. he needs to feel important, otherwise he'll be thrown away.

he needs to be of use to someone, but can not stand going ignored.

in being so willing to submit to whoever's in power, he denies himself freedom.

so long story short: hey guys what if rouxls actually knows hes useless and mostly discarded. how does he know? idk jevil maybe told him??? but maybe thats why hes so desperate to work for someone, but is so full of himself at the same time? because he wants to feel needed and important, because he knows that the rules card gets thrown away. again, jevil probably told him iunno

and thats how rouxls totally links to the theme of freedom guys totally a billion percent canon i am definitely so normal about him

NOW ALTERNATIVELY HE COULD ALSO JUST BE FUNNY STUPID MAN I DUNNO

[jazzically]

MAG 32 HIVEEE BABYYY!!!!!!! oh my god this one. this one is sooooooooo fricking good. i loved every single word of it when i first listened to it and i still do now. its written SO GORGEOUSLY

just the simple fact of this literally being a firsthand account of someone being taken over by the corruption, the infiltrator, that utter terror that comes with every disgusting thing thriving under rotted floorboards makes the concept beautiful by itself

cause jane wrote this just after she became too far gone, fallen helplessly to the worms' song, but before she was completely incoherent due to the lovely harmonies formed by the slithering of thousands of individual bodies through her vital organs. you can hear her despair manifesting, those last dredges of what she truly was struggling through the cloudy haze of unearthly love. and she lets it speak through her so beautifully. remember this is the making of an avatar transcribed. she describes how her relationship with the hive grew into something far more personal than a threat to her safety or sanitation. it's about the confusion that drops in on you at the beginnings of addiction and the combination of desire and sunk-cost that makes you want nothing more than to sink deep into its open arms and fully give yourself over to the only thing that says it can save you.

and throughout it all, she somehow makes this Crawling Rot — this mysterious thing that we know to be inherently gross and despicably filthy, that jeopardizes the security of the archives and its staff — sound hypnotic, in its own twisted way. enticing, even. that is the true horror. that is the most terrifying part, to me: that we are suddenly able to see where she is coming from. it's kinda like how jon spoke on how it unsettled him that the distortion said it wanted to help them instead of hurt them.

plus!!!!! i mean!!!!!! its so viscerally horrible and i love it!!!!!! its literally the corruption its the bending and destruction of things we find familiar and safe (ooOOo stranger and desolation overlap?) like its not just plain old disease and dirt yknow? its the SYMBOLISM of that disease and dirt and what it means to people whose lives become infected :3 love how jonny prolly went "hmm what are people afraid of? bugs? sickness? germs? what does that tie into? ah yes corruption" i feel like this specific statement was a great opportunity to really showcase how the corruption affects the mind and jonny maximized the writing to that effect. that was a lot of unnecessary words but basically what im trying to get at here is that jane prentiss's statement didnt reframe the corruption and her worms for me, it took the whole situation and flipped it on its head, upside down and inside out. it made the flesh hive seem so graceful.

umm not to mention the way the statement drops foreshadowing for the institute being eye-aligned omgomgogmgfndibf

EDIT...

OLIVER BANKS!!!!!!!!!! OOOOLLLLLIVERRR

edit 2 :3

I KNEW THAT IT WAS NOT SO SIMPLE AS TO CALL OUT TO WELL-TRODDEN GODS!!!!!!!!!!

god that line has stuck with me ever since i first heard it. it's SO GOOD. it is a perfect way of putting that feeling

RRRAAAAHHHH the web and the hive are so awesome when taken together

AND THIS. the Hive, more infinite than it can describe itself, is beautiful in a way most will never understand, for beauty is subjective. its indescribability alone is astonishing. the radiance of its power, seen as simple and dismissed without true understanding ever permeating its frothing membranes, is far more than we could ever deserve

i think this paragraph is just SO well done dude like go listen to it feel the impact of those words again because it's so raw: i see now why the hive hates you. you can see it and log it and note its every detail but you can never understand it. you rob it of its fear even though your weak words have no right to do so.

that bit was introduced and explained perfectly. its so satisfying nnnnrrrrrgggghhhhhfnkkffncnnfr

the sheer poetry of this series never fails to amaze me. oh my god

also i love how when jane is addressing gertrude it's done more vaguely so that it's almost like she could be talking to jon and the institute of the present day

poor jane she mustve been suffering for a very long time

[justaragdollysblog]

•Rainbow Factory•

Hello! this is a fic for my new AU, Rainbow Factory! It’s based off the songs for the MLP concept. Specifically the song by WoodenToaster!

Synopsis:

After strange happenings at the circus, Pomni wanders a bit too far in search of answers.

TW: Needles, Angst, Body horror, Hurt comfort, Death, Blood, Injuries

——————————————————————

Pomni’s feet ached as she walked along the ground of the circus. Her mind was buzzing with questions and suspicions. Caine had been acting strange lately, too strange for an AI. She hadn’t seen her circus colleagues for two days now.

“They’re in their own personal adventures,” Caine had explained to her. “They’re alright, I can assure you! Now, I have to go make sure Bubble isn’t burning the feast!” When Pomni opened her mouth to prod further, he disappeared into smoke.

None of it seemed right to her. Not to mention she was so incredibly alone. She supposed she never realized how quiet the digital world was without them.

She scanned the area, looking for any signs of life. She had never been this far from the tent before, and the world looked…dull. Soulless. She was even more confused when she approached a tall, dark building. It stuck out horribly from the bright, obnoxious colors she was so used to.

She approached the large establishment, voice shaking as she called out for Caine. “What is…this?” She exclaimed. As if on cue, the artificial ringmaster appeared before her.

Now, a rainbow’s tale isn’t quite as nice,

“Caine! There you are!” She looked almost hopeful, as she approached him. “What is this place? I’ve never seen it before…it doesn’t look like…your typical work.”

Caine had an empty look in his eyes. “Pomni, would you do something for me? Help this old set of code out?” His voice was low, dimensions different than his usual bouncy, dramatic tone.

“H-Huh? Sure. W-What do you need?” She stuttered out.

As the story we knew of sugar and spice,

He raised his head a bit to look at her directly. “Thank you. This is for your own good, you know.”

But a rainbow’s easy once you get to know it, with the help of the magic of the pegasus device.

He snapped his fingers, and Pomni was pulled into the facility. Something was not right. Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

She whizzed behind him at a fast speed, the darkness of the factory confusing her. Once her eyes got adjusted, she wanted to scream.

Large, tall tubes of different colors and shapes lined the walls. There were machines at the base of each one, and the ceilings were so high she could barely see them. But that’s not what made her stomach lurch and her heart drop.

Lining the walls past the tubes were…everyone else. Her friends. She didn’t get the absolute best look, because of the speed she was moving at. Best she could see, Gangle’s mask was cracked open, Zooble’s parts were broken, Kinger's robe was in tatters, Jax was covered in blood and cuts, and Ragatha had more stuffing outside than inside.

This couldn’t be happening. They couldn’t be gone. She turned her head away, stifling a sob. She wanted to scream and throw up and shake them. She wanted them to wake up and tell her how none of this was real.

Caine flung her into an ornate, intricate machine. It had restraints, and instruments that looked like the tools at the dentist. Sharp and placed there with a purpose. She winced as her back made contact with the metal, knocking air out of her lungs. She winced more when the restraints locked her in place.

Caine floated over to her, unreadable. She thrashed, only causing her more pain in her extremities. “What are you doing?! Let me out! What did you do to them?!” She was sure if she shrieked any louder, her voice would crack.

“I am very sorry, my dear. I have come to the realization that you might be better suited…for something else. Other than the circus.” He spoke, too calm about the situation. “You see, abstractions…have always been an unfortunate occurrence,” He began. “I have never been able to completely stop them. After years of trying to delay them, I have come up with a solution.” He ended his explanation, pausing for dramatic effect.

“I have been working on an antidote. Your circus peers have been particularly helpful.” He said, with a positive tone that made Pomni’s blood boil. “If I can take the purest parts of them, maybe I can concentrate it into a cure. It would change everything.”

Pomni couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She thought of her friends, the people who knew her, laughed with her, defended her. She breathed heavily, staring at Caine with one emotion only:

Rage.

“HOW COULD YOU?!” She screamed, thrashing more in the device. “NONE OF US WANTED TO BE HERE!” She was crying tears of anger now, teeth sharpened to a point. “They- They didn’t do anything! You #%^*ing psychopath!” She heaved.

Caine looked at her with a blank expression. “They found their purpose, Pomni. It’s for the greater good. I’m afraid the show is over for you, my dear.”

Pomni screamed, sobbing now. She was still thrashing, but that hadn’t gotten her anywhere. Her eyes were as wide as they could be, pinwheel eyes barely visible. Caine had his hand over the switch.

In the rainbow factory, where your fears and horrors come true.

————————————————————————-

WOOOOO! first fic down! I’ll probably write at LEAST one more lol.

I hope u guys liked it! I’ll be accepting asks and stuff for this au!

Maybe make some designs who knows 👀👀

also shhhh but maybe someone didn’t get finished off in the next one shhhhhhhgg

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

• Forgot this one. It’s tied with death but not tied to the subject of Arsa and mc’s resurrection.

OKAY so you know in Muriel’s route how they meet Khamgalai in the Arcana realm after she dies? I know you don’t HAVE to be dead to see dead people ( Morga, Lucio, Khamgalai, etc ) BUT Since Julian TECHNICALLY died in his route, what do you think of the possible idea of him seeing/meeting his parents in the Arcana realm?

• As I said earlier “ I know you don’t HAVE to be dead to see dead people “ so What about Portia seeing them when she’s in the arcana realms in her route? What about Muriel meeting his parents in his route? What about Lucio meeting his dad in his route? Just something I’ve been thinking about.

• The arcana realm is a bit confusing so I really hope I’m not remembering wrong. I think it both does and doesn’t function as an afterlife. I think Khamgalai brings up the concept of it when you meet her again after she dies but again I can’t really remember. ANYWAY, That’s just something I’ve been thinking about for a while now

Love your stuff!

-🥥

Ahhh these are such good questions, anon friend! Short (ish) answers below the cut ^.^

The main setting behind the characters seeing or speaking with the dead in the story is resolution. The dead who get the most involved in the plot and the MC/M6's lives are the ones who don't have the closure they need to rest. This applies to the ghosts in the Lazaret and (depending on the route) Khamgalai and Morga. There are also moments late route where a ghost who needed closure interacts with the living again to confirm that things have been made right, but the circumstances for that are unclear.

All that to say, I think it would be entirely possible/plausible for the characters with dead parents to be able to get in touch with them! The question is whether it happens because 1) the character has reached a point where they need to have a conversation with the dead, and circumstances allow them to connect, or 2) because a character has learned enough necromancy to do so, which seems to be a rarer, more dangerous, even taboo use of magic.

The worldbuilding in the Arcana universe is uh - vague? - at best, but one of the base concepts/explanations for the patrons and realms in general is that they aren't corporeal. They seem to exist on what appears to be a purely spiritual level. With a death/dying system where spirits frequently continue to exist consciously after the body dies, it makes sense (to me at least) that they're still able to travel through and interact with spiritual planes of existence like the realms. I don't think that designates any of the Arcana realms as "the afterlife", though. Otherwise, Lucio's weird purgatory of being stuck "in between" the living and the dead would make less sense to me personally since he spends most of his time in the realms.

[korolife]

Blog No.004📚　24年6月13日

My Visual Method of Learning Japanese Kanji (漢字) part①

～ Let's Pair-up Similar-lookin' Characters Next to Each Other♥!～

There are many ways to learn Japanese. 📔

This way might not be effective or efficient (or even reasonable) for anyone else, but this is the visual approach that I'm currently developing + sharing for possibly any like-minded students it might resonate with!

【Background】

At first, I did the standard "write it down with repetition until you get it right" on flashcards, notebooks, etc. I don't think I ever got it 'right'ーevery optimistic attempt of "I'm gonna get in some daily lessons in today, and successfully absorb this knowledge!!" was always accompanied with this state of... confusion? and being so, so overwhelmed that neither the meaning, the reading, the stroke order, nor even the appearance of the kanji stuck to me at all. I don't think I've ever made it past the list of N4 kanji, even though most words I come across tend to be scattered around the N3-N1 level.

I've tried studying them strictly in order of the listing / then tried loosely with some doodling / or even a cherry-nitpicky minimalistic approach; just-take-what-is-frequently-used-style... but there just seemed to be no end in sight。

『Issue①:』 I wanted to see ALL of the kanji displayed at once, instead of dreading the 'higher levels' hidden from the limited amount displayed at a time; be it from reference books, screen displays on websites or mobile applications, etc. It's definitely just a personal issue, I think haha I just didn't like the surprise sneak attack from so much identical kanji from differing levels that scrambles my brain everytime I encounter a doppelganger. And boy, there's a LOT of those (as you will see).

I thought about making a series of biiiig posters or scrolls I could stick up on a wall, like those kiddie info posters but completely filled with kanji as decoration + motivation + and a bit of a cheat sheet I could easily access at a glance. But just imagining over 2,000 jumbled characters looming over me while I work on my desk or seeing something like that first thing after waking up………it feels a lot unsettling, I think-

『Issue②:』 They're often arranged according to their frequency of usage, stroke order, or general difficulty of the word. Although it's for practicality, it leaves the visual impact completely all over the place. I don't know if I have any underlying conditions that contribute to something trivial like this greatly bothering me past the point of productivity, but it's not even about aesthetics I have an issue with, I don't think? It's just...the arrangement feels so chaotic, or sometimes oddly restrictive that I keep getting distracted. It's like some kind of puzzle I've been trying to solve for 10 hours straight, but it's just me going in circles back to zero. Speaking of puzzles....

Maybe, to save physical space for literally thousands of characters, I thought about placing one kanji on each of a rubik's cube's faces. But that would take a ridiculous amount of cubes and printer ink/alternatively, manually cutting, pasting, and poorly writing very very tiny 0.5inch labels for...two thousand times, at least. By hand.

I'm still tempted to incorporate this idea in some way, but felt unmotivated and lazy with how flimsy and shoddy my handwritten labels were…also printer ink prices continue to be a goddang scam--

I've unfortunately never been a studious student, especially not when it comes to conventional learning methods. It tends to make me want to try ridiculous ideas to get around my own dysfunctionality, because the other option would be... to continue a system that doesn't work and be frustrated, and accomplish nothing; not even a smile.

Because I was learning Japanese out of my own free will, I wanted to have fun with it, because the whole concept of kanji seems really fun in theory!… but not so much in attempted practice as a clueless outsider with no knowledge apart from the standard English reading and writing system.

Even if perceived as a complete waste of time by a lot of people, I still want to understand each individual character to be able to appreciate and greet them accordingly when I encounter them in the wild.

For fun☆!

【Conventional Systems】

I mostly took inspiration from other existing popular learning systems that many people use:

➊The standard N5-N1 System was alright, but I found myself tempted to skip straight to ～N3 where frequently used characters appeared more, despite being barely at the lowest N5 level myself. I wanted all the characters to be visibly accessible…but it got intensely overwhelming so fast. The hierarchal labeling made finding a N1 character have this weird sense of pressure? Like, "oh sht , this word has N1 kanji. mY ELEMENTARY GRADE DUMBASS AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE--"

➋Then there's pictographs. It's interesting, but I thought a lot of them were a little bit of a reach? haha it's basically a visual mnemonic, right? But other people's mnemonics usually have their 'creative logic' that my own may not agree with, so I just end up getting distracted with the internal logic of the image and how it correlates to the kanji instead of absorbing any actual information. I think it has potential, but I'd need to personalize the visual imagery for it to be effective…or at least, have the mnemonic make enough sense to me and not be abstractly distracting. Even by then, the more strokes there are, the more convoluted it looks to even liken it to anything in the real world...Kanji by itself is already a pictogram, I guess...?

➌Then there's the Heisig method. I liked the concept; the goal is for (mostly) foreigners to easily familiarize the 'look' of the kanji character and attach it to a singular meaning. But personally, it wasn't working with how much my brain was confusing every variation of similar-looking patterns that kept reappearing over a span of different kanji, with the same radical appearing in different positions or orientations. Heisig's compilation was good in a sense that I could see a reoccurring pattern and it was most definitely less chaotic to look at now, but they continue to persist so far away from each other? Then adding that element of "the unknown" with kanji I've yet to encounter or seek out for being 'too advanced' with this doppelganger dilemma was driving me absolutely coconuts.

Plus, since it's a method created with absolute beginners in mind, it falls short with the lack of kun- and on- yomi readings…which were what I needed to learn the most.

I decided to combine these three ideas to make my own way.

【??? Personal System】

This system will continuously be developed from here on out until it can actually be functional, but so far, here's what's been done and being planned:

Apparently these were from 8 months ago good lord-

I pretty much just lined up screenshots of a full kanji listing (I believe it was a Jouyou listing) and just...painstakingly played a Match-3 game, but irl, pretty much... and with more back pain

※Reference used to curate these kanji and their information are primarily from ①an app called 'Satori', and ②another app called 'Yomiwa'. Both apps source information from KANJIDIC and JMDict + mixed with a variety of online dictionaries to cross-reference and check for additional info.

I was working on and off on it because staring at nothing but kanji all day will probably make a few screws loose, but I generally continued anytime I was feeling a little down, stressed out, or just had free time. It was oddly therapeutic when I saw the finished arrangements, though. This feeling of "I can't tell if I like it or hate it" reminded me of my thesis days lmao

I had originally planned to put them on 3x3 rubik's cubes, so I initially had to group them by a full set of 9 characters. But the distribution was so unbalanced that each look-alike group was either lacking or exceeding in numbers, and trying to evenly incorporate 'leftovers' into the other groups just looked forced as hell, visually. So, I gave up on the rubik's cube concept and just tried to match at least a row of just 3 look-alikes to then ascend or descend in complexity with their other cousin-distant-lookalikes.

EXAMPLE:

人　大　木

person・big・tree

▲These three I would consider 'cousins'. I wouldn't classify them together in a row of 3 because there are far more identical characters, but after I gather all of each of their sibling groups, I'd most definitely arrange them next to each other in succession as if the 人 was growing more limbs.

太　大　犬

fat・big・dog

▲These three I would consider 'siblings'.

It reminds me of twins that only have differing beauty marks for distinction.

▲And these...are kinda cursed ngl, my double takes had to do their own double takes everytime I would finish grouping something to the 'tree radical' family, and suddenly spotting another one I could've sworn was the exact same character. It made me feel like I was going insane lol I know that the context showing the connecting hiragana is usually a dead giveaway on which kanji it is, regardless of how similar in appearance + how it's going to be read... but man. It's so surreal seeing them all lined up next to each other?? All I see is a forest-

Somewhere along the way, my brain remembered about the elemental periodic table and drew some layouting inspiration from there, too. Ideally, I would love to have all the information already present at a single glance with each character. But with the limited display space, assigning chronological identification numbers on them for now would help in navigating this wide, colorful kanji blanket.

I might've discarded a couple of archaic / overly complex kanji that no one really uses for this list at this moment, but in total, there appears to be 952 rows of trios.

= A total of 2,856 kanji have been included. Unless I miscounted somewhere-

my back hurts-

【Personal Limits + Goals】

I've been learning Japanese the same way I have Englishーvery, very informally; simply picking up what I hear and read in random places and applying them to how my brain interpreted their usage. It's literally like 'playing by ear', musically? except I'm tone deaf as hell-

There are some words (both Eng and Jp) that I surprise even myself when I know how to say it, or suddenly somehow using it during very specific situations, even if I don't know how to define their exact meaning…or even how to pronounce them correctly. Then there's very basic words that are so foreign to me because I have never heard or seen them before, despite possibly being one of the first things teachers introduce in proper lessons.

I can understand verbal Japanese just OK (some common dialects are recognizable too, just as long as it ain't extreme keigo-), my attempt at constructed sentences is weab-level at best and my butchering of the intonations is an atrocity, but most importantly, I can't read most kanji I come across for the life of me without furigana. Even with it, it's usually too dang small in print to even read…

Basically the nutshell of my 'Japanese Reading Practice with Manga' series orz I was so worried about potential copyright infringements, but I misread everything, it just became transformative on its own--

※ADDITIONAL NOTE: There is the onyomi (Orig. Chinese reading used when compounding the character with another to create a word) and the kunyomi (general Japanese reading of the kanji) that I ranked as the 'most important' thing to learn for me...then there's their long-lost wayward sibling: Nanori for Japanese name readings.

It is a ｗｈｏｌｅ new world out there......and I'm good staying indoors, thanks- don't even get me started on kirakira name readings I will cry for those poor unfortunate souls deadass named things like 'PEGASUS' or 'ANGEL LOVE' as their government name good lord

Speaking of names, when I saw Kaedehara Kazuha's name (Genshin Impact) in kanji for the first time :

「楓原万葉」

I read it as "Kazewara Manba"💀he is Manba-kun to me now

ーEven if my overall proficiency is at kindergarten level, for now,

I want to improve at at least recognizing the correct kanji at a regular reading speedーwith no mistaken identities, frantic dictionary pulling-out, or furigana dependency necessary!★

And that's what I want to achieve first and foremost with...whatever this is I'm creating。

+ so I can read manga and novels in peace without constantly squinting at a magnifying glass orz Fluency is kinda moot in my case because... I don't talk to anyone lol-

also, online shtposting in the Jp meme side rly do hit different

　〘ーand I'd like colors to accompany me!〙

『Issue③:』 Every Kanji list overview, regardless of arrangement or method, always gives me anxiety with how sharply white and black it is. That minimalistic uniformity forces you to depend on shapes alone to make inferences... but then you see sht like:

土　VS　士　

(dirt)・(samurai)

末　VS　未

(tip)・(sign of the sheep)

where it's literally the subtlest of LINE LENGTH, a tiny splotch, or the more complex characters that don't even share the same radicals but because they both vaguely have a similar silhouette, they start looking confusing to the brain, I just...............colors are absolutely necessary!! At least, it is definitely the case for my very easily bamboozled noodle that demands distinctive visual variations. I am in the belief that shapes alone will not suffice to memorize the correct information when you have over 2,000 subjects to sift through that... literally copied each other's homework. They kept gaslighting me throughout the process- Ask a Chinese or Japanese friend today if they're doing ok bc holy sht how do ya'll live like this, especially when web browsers tend to squash anything exceeding 14 strokes at regular display font sizes I-

I made the ｺﾛﾚｯﾃKoroLife System (Kororette Life; a wish for a 'colorful life') that pushes more focus on the creative and productive use of colors and patterns for myself, initially for drawing composition purposes... but I found that it was something just as applicable with making everyday tasks way easier and fun to look at.

It eventually took over this project too, and finally gave me what I was looking forーinner peace with a lifetime of beef and animosity with kanji…but in style★

When I said I was a heavy visual learner... this is exactly what I meant-

So…this is my way of arranging nearly 3,000 kanji by rows of 3 visually identical characters that confuses my dyslexic 外人 dumdum the most + making use of colors for subcategorizing them according to their shapes. And, hey, they make for pretty neat stickers!

⇒[FREE TO DOWNLOAD!]

△contains x4 parts of higher quality of each quadrant (transparent bg) + this huge overview display map...or kanji blanket, however you see it as-

Unfortunately there's very little to make of it apart from a display, but as soon as I add some practicality to this system, I will compile them into the 0+ Resource Shop. For now, please feel free to personally use them however you like~! I'm already sticking 'em everywhere-

I divided them into 6 colored categories according to the character's overall perceived 'shape'*: ・Curves (orange)

・Sparks'n'mix (pink)

・Criss-crossing (dark blue)

・Lines (light blue)

・Cubes (yellow) ・囧ﾒ (violet)

・imperfect matches (green)

Highlighted ones are stand-outs, or visually the easiest to digest (to me anyway).

＊these are very arbitrary classifications with flawed, subjective internal logic that has been revised multiple times over. (eg. Even if something has a curve, if I feel like the overall shape has lines that stand out more, then it's in the light blue category instead.)

And with that, I think I'll call it...

The「色々色 / IROIROIRO」 Method!! otherwise known as the 色³ for short!!!

■ 「色」・いろ・(Iro)

➊lit. Color, tint, hue, shade ➋kind, type, variant

■ 「々」・のま・同の字点 / どうのじてん・(noma / dou no jiten)

Kanji repetition mark; placed beside a repeating kanji.

■ 「色色 / 色々」 ・いろ・(Iroiro)

various, all sorts of

■「³」・３乗足す / さんじょうたす・３の立方 / さんのりっほう・(san jyou tasu / san no rihhou)

mathematical term.; Cubed, to the power of 3 pls don't ask me for the actual application specifics, I get a 3/10 average on my math tests-

It's a fun pun! Kinda.

【Preliminary Conclusion】

Is it an effective strategy to master Japanese kanji at all, though? Maybe not. At least, probably not just by this visual display alone. I honestly don't expect anyone else benefitting much from this project, but it personally really reinvigorated me to continue studying Japanese again. It's strange how something that caused me so much feelings of dread and anxiety for the majority of my early teen years, suddenly feels so much fun to work with. All it needed was sleep deprivation, some touch of personalization, and a little bit of color!… ok, well, a lot of color-

It's a complete homebrew, unverified by anyone, and I guess a little insane, but I thought it turned out kinda cool anyway, so I thought I'd share it! What do you think? I'll write up an update about any further developments in this silly lil system the next time. I'm thinking of somehow fitting in all the definitions, readings, stroke orders, and maybe samples of their usage... but also in style★ somehow-

We'll workshop it, even if it takes another additional 8 months!!!

Until then! バイバイ(￣▽￣)／

つづく

➡To be continued...

・・・ホームページALL LINKS・・・

・Art Gallery・Commission Info・Ko-fi shop・

[peaches2217]

Below the cut: Peaches rambles about religion. Again. (No TWs, but it’s rambly. 😂)

I’m adopting more and more Catholic practices the more time passes. I went to the next town over after work today and bought my first rosary (and like $50 worth of 75% off body care at B&BW — semi-annual sale, baby!). I’m starting to understand the concept of the Intercession of Saints and have found myself praying for guidance, because I’d like to find a patron saint, someone to at least look to for inspiration if not pray to. I feel pulled to visit the local Catholic parish and sit and watch, and maybe ask for more information if the priest is receptive.

And even then, I can’t really see myself converting? I entertained the thought more than once, but every time I look into resources for prospective converts, there’s inevitably something (aside from, y’know, All the Obvious) that makes me go “Oh, hell no, I’m out.” On top of that, as drawn as I am to a great number of Catholic practices, I’m waaaaaaaay more drawn to Methodism, and not just because the church that’s adopted me is UMC; there’s a heavy focus on social justice, love of all, and using the gifts of logic and reason in our spiritual lives. Having grown up in a heavily conservative, all-white, “everyone that’s not one of us is our enemy”, and stringently anti-intellectual Pentecostal church-turned-cult, you can probably tell why I find that so compelling. 😂

I also just… don’t believe in the concept of One True Church. I think all that’s required to be considered Truly Christian™️ is belief in the Fundamental Truths (that is to say, belief in the Holy Trinity and salvation through Christ. Not to be confused with the AoG’s 16 Fundamental Truths, some of which do hold merit but the rest I tend to approach like a hissing cat because my cult was AoG specifically); Catholics, the Orthodox, and the vast majority of Protestants fit that bill, and every other tenet that we disagree on is, in my belief, inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

(The Orthodox Church — they have such beautiful chants, but dear God, listening to a Divine Liturgy reminds me of being stuck in the car with my baby sister when she was just learning how to use her voice and endlessly mumble-singing in a tuneless drone. Given that the average Liturgy lasts two hours or so, that alone was cause to put me off of Orthodoxy. 😭)

I did some research, and Catholics seem to be chill with the notion of Protestants praying the Rosary and praying to the saints and all that jazz — basically, they welcome us to share in all but the Eucharist (which is fine by me, because transubstantiation is something that, while I’m not closed off to the possibility of its truth, I personally don’t believe in). So maybe I’ll just remain an oddly Catholic-leaning Methodist. I’m already a bisexual trans nonbinary Christian, adopting some Catholic practices is hardly the most unorthodox thing I can do in my faith. 😅

[mattress-ing]

What about gunmetal stuck out to you to where your writing a multi chapter fic about it? Just curious

Contains spoilers if you’re not caught up on riptide

Give or take ten episodes, I’m not double checking right now

Might be faster to name all the things that didn’t lol

We have my usual pulls; mlm ship, side characters with a lot of “offscreen” time, nontraditional relationship dynamic, and the fact that they’re both so interesting. Also, if I don’t write down my headcannons I’ll just go crazy sitting in a room going no one knows them like I do

So: why I ship them.

They both have the ability to really go wherever they want, but since our introduction to each of them, they lose their “purpose” or their main tie to a place or a plan. Alphonse is freed and gryffon kills Grimm. Now they’re both kind of aimless and *cough* adrift *cough cough* and have to find what to do with the rest of their lives. Both took what looks to me like the easy option of just follow the nearest people with a plan concepts of a plan

With Gryffon, I was drawn to him referring to himself as cuddly at one point. I wanted to explore how he balances or doesn’t balance the warring aspects of bounty hunter who is clearly comfortable killing and feeling like he’s soft and cuddly on the inside. I wanted to see him coping with what we can infer is the loss of his entire race, and pinpoint what drives him to keep going after he got his revenge. Is it hope? Spite? Blossoming attraction? Fear?

I think Gryffon sees Alphonse as more naive than he is, and wants to protect him while also harboring guilt for feeling a romantic connection there. Whereas Alphonse sees Gryffon as emotionally stunted and wants to draw him out of his shell and feels frustrated and confused when he is met with shell wall in situations he thought they already got through.

And finally, intimacy. Alphonse can’t register touch in the same way that humans do. And it drives me crazy. For him, intimacy is something entirely his own. And since he enjoys building I figure he’s drawn to mental connection more, emotional honesty, a knowledge of building. He likes having all the pieces of someone in his mind. I think even more than that, he enjoys solving puzzles. And Gryffon gives him many opportunities for that. His arm. His general demeanor.

Gryffon being the last of his kind means the loss of language. Both spoken and intimate. Imagine no one knows what a hug is, or a fist bump, or a kiss. How many displays of companionship or affection that he experienced as a child haven’t been performed in a decade? How does he go about explaining meaningful gestures to people who’s bodies aren’t genetically programmed to have that gesture release oxytocin? And what if that person can’t feel touch anyway? Gryffon has to teach everyone else how to love him in a language only he speaks. But first he has to trust someone enough to accept their love. And he hasn’t been able to let his guard down for a decade, that doesn’t come off in the wash.

Then the ship fiasco.

(A brief aside to say; while I think it was horrible for the characters to do this to their friend, it was a comedic bit that got turned into canon. Just because I’ve decided to take it in a serious manner doesn’t change the fact that the show is there for fun and for laughs (we’re on the piss on the poor reading comprehension site, I’m covering my ass))

Alphonse becoming the ship was such a “woah this guy is getting essentially enslaved by his friends” and he seems almost resigned to it in canon portrayal. So I wanted to figure out if I could explain to myself why he is so resigned about it.

I think Alphonse, who is finally finding his passions, choosing to sacrifice himself for this child and then being brought back into a body he isn’t in charge of, is a web of emotions so knotted together that its hard to pull one string without tightening the whole thing.

Gryffon sees these captains he respects treat a crew member like he’s only there to serve their goal. But he also sees them bring him back from death. Should he feel horror or relief?

Does Alphonse feel indebted for this third chance at life, two of which he received from these same captains? Does Gryffon worry about leaving Alphonse behind if he leaves to spare himself a similar fate?

TL:DR I have a lot of questions and I’m not accepting answers that aren’t mine because I’m a control freak about my scrunglies

[melishade]

Damn it! There goes my streak. Number 50?

This ask game

asked so far.

Onyankopon wondering about all the nicknames Megatron's been giving the humans. (This is like the first year of the alliance. Before the Azumabitos come over.)

Onyankopon couldn't help but be confused when he first heard the Flying Titan say 'mad scientist' to Hanji. Onyankopon was even more surprised when Hanji responded to the nickname and shot back by calling him 'Buckethead' in a rather crude manner. The Metal Titan, Optimus Prime, immediately interjected to try and ease the tension, but Hanji just seemed to wave him off while the Flying Titan was annoyed at Optimus trying to keep the peace.

Onyankopon also noticed that the Flying Titan never called Hanji by their name. He never called any human by their name. He once heard him call Levi 'dwarf' and it seemed to get a rise out of the captain. He always treated the humans as less than him. If that was the case, why even bother helping out the humans at all? Onyankopon did inquire about to Hanji, but the Commander told him to not worry about it. Onyankopon thought about asking Levi, but he still felt a little nervous talking to him.

The other Survey Corps members seemed nice. Maybe he could ask them.

===

Later

"Hey, everyone," Onyankopon greeted as he saw the 104th eating some of Niccolo's cooking by the shores of the island.

"Oh, hi, Onyankopon," Armin greeted, "Did you want to eat something?"

"No, I'm not hungry," Onyankopon answered, "I did have a question."

"Shoot," Jean said.

"Why...why does the Flying Titan not call you by your actual names?" Onyankopon asked, "I've noticed that he's called Hanji 'mad scientist' and Levi 'dwarf'. Why does he do that?"

The 104th looked at each other for a brief moment before groaning in defeat.

"What? What happened?" Onyankopon asked in confusion.

"Buckethead hates us, and hates humans, so he's decided to not call us by our names!" Sasha exclaimed.

"If he hates humans, why does he even stay and help at all?" Onyankopon asked.

"It's personal," Mikasa coldly answered.

Onyankopon was a little put off by her response, but he was curious. "What does he call you guys?"

"Surprisingly, Connie and I didn't get one," Jean answered.

"Really?" Onyankopon asked in surprise.

"I try to avoid him," Jean explained.

"I've never really talked to him in the first place and I want it to stay that way," Connie explained too.

"What about you?" Onyankopon addressed Sasha.

"Archer," Sasha answered, "The few times I've interacted with him, I've used a bow and arrow, so it kinda just stuck."

"It doesn't sound like it's a bad thing to be called something that you're skilled at?" Onyankopon reasoned.

"It's still annoying," Sasha stated before stuffing her face with food.

"So he calls Hanji 'mad scientist' because-!"

"The Commander has always been hyperactive when it comes to learning new things," Armin explained, "It's always so manic."

"Makes sense." Onyankopon couldn't really disagree with that, "And Levi-!"

"He's short," they all said in unison.

"Okay, that just seems petty," Onyankopon said in annoyance.

"Buckethead and the Captain have a strong hatred for each other," Eren explained.

"Do you have a nickname?" Onyankopon decided to ask Eren, earning a scowl from him.

"I don't want to talk about it," Eren proclaimed.

"'Prime's pet'." Mikasa ratted him out.

"Mikasa, what the hell?!" Eren exclaimed.

"Pet?" Onyankopon was surprised.

"Because Optimus has been training him and they spend a lot of time together training," Armin explained.

Onyankopon didn't know how to feel about that. It sounded more like the Flying Titan was jealous if anything. "Armin, do you have one?"

"He just mispronounces my last name and calls me 'Alert' instead of 'Arlert'," Armin answered.

Onyankopon couldn't help but deadpan at that. "That's pretty racist. He's intentionally mispronouncing your last name because he sees you as less than.”

"I know that we're still learning new concepts and words, but again, the guy hates humans pretty equally," Jean explained, "I don't think he cares about race or background."

“Honestly, I’ll take the mispronunciation of my last name,” Armin admitted in defeat.

"Okay, what about you?" Onyankopon asked Mikasa.

"Ackerman," She replied.

Onyankopon was taken aback. "Wait a minute, that's your last name."

"Yes."

"He calls you by your last name?!" Onyankopon exclaimed.

"Yes."

"Everyone else gets a weird nickname but you get called by your name! Why?!" Onyankopon demanded.

"Because she is the only one that I respect." Onyankopon snapped his head back to see the Flying Titan's human form staring at him with crossed arms. He then heard shuffling behind him as everyone, save for Mikasa, got up from their seats and took steps back.

"Heyyy...." Sasha trailed off nervously.

"You know, it wouldn't kill you to call your allies by their names," Onyankopon stated. He could hear panicked whispers from behind them and froze when the Flying Titan's expression turned sour.

"They are not my allies," he declared, "They are simply accessories to the Prime's own ambitions."

"Harsh," Jean muttered.

"Don't think you're in the clear. I've heard 'horseface' thrown around for you and I will use it if you do something to piss me off," The Flying Titan addressed him.

"But Mikasa's the exception?" Onyankopon pressed.

"Ackerman can actually get the job done and kill when necessary," The Flying Titan explained, "Everyone else has some sort of hinderance."

"That...doesn't make sense," Onyankopon stated.

The Flying Titan looked intrigued. "How so?"

"Captain Levi is one of the strongest soldiers the island has to offer and has no doubt killed when necessary, but you still insult him," Onyankopon reasoned.

"The dwarf is an exception. I just hate him out of spite," The Flying Titan shrugged.

"Fuck you Buckethead!" everyone heard Levi shout, but they didn't know where it came from.

"Burn in the Pits, glitch!" The Flying Titan shot back.

"Just say 'bitch' you fucker!" Levi yelled.

Onyankopon was taken aback at the outburst and the rather smug expression from the Flying Titan. He never imagined that someone would have been able to get under the Captain's skin.

(This was something I've thought about writing as a one-shot for the longest time but never got around to it when I was younger. Now it does exist and is canon. Whatever is left is free game.)

[nightly-valkyrie]

'In the Shadow of Sierpinski' post ACT-1 writer's rambles

Forgive me, I'm so brain-rotted about my own fic that I can't help but talk about it even down to the design decisions and process of writing?

Mostly to cover some influences, inspirations, reasonings, and concepts I wanted to carry on into the narrative as it developed from early drafts into what was posted in the fic. Most spoilers for the fic and the game will be kept to below the cut:

Influences & Inspirations :)

>So of course a big influence on the fic was Signalis itself, I could talk on and on about what I did and didn't want to expand on for the purpose of the fic. However, for the sake of brevity I will be kinda short for this part at least. The melding of technology to this point of advancement well beyond what humanity is capable of today, and yet seemingly also stuck in the past is such an appealing look. An almost 'Alien' movie approach that really makes it stick out. That was a feeling I wanted to capture, not just because of a desire to stay faithful to the source material, but also because of my own affections for the cyberpunk genre which 'Signalis' also seems to share a love for. I will get into this later though. One of the biggest tones I wanted to carry over was this glazing over of some of the more dystopian aspects the game carries, Rose Engine leaves a lot of hints toward the state of the in game governments, its beliefs, and its inspirations (East Germany etc...). What they don't do though is ever quite dwell on a lot of the implications the notes and dialogues carry. It was, that, which I wanted to emulate. I tried to make clear in the text many things, but leave what exactly that implication is up to the reader to determine. I hesitate to mention these moments because I really do feel like they're better noticed on your own.

>Another really big inspiration this fic had, and I'll keep this next one shorter, is the cyberpunk genre. The idea of human robots, retro-futuristic technology, and even gifted individuals with telepathic powers all feel pulled straight from the cyberpunk genre and media related to it. And that is just things shown in game (I am also aware of the game's anime inspirations 'Evangelion' and 'Blame' but as far as I'm aware those do have some cyberpunk dna in them as well, i just have much knowledge in the realm of anime). For this fic, I really felt compelled to include the influences of these stories to write this fic. 'Blade Runner 2049' especially had some influence over concepts like Replika identification being linked to the eye/optic.

This detail along with some of the tone is a just small parts that show how it was an overall inspiration. The tone especially in some of the general treatment/attitude toward Replikas by those in power will also give that sense.

>The second to last inspiration I really wanted to mention here was 'Alan Wake 2' and whether or not that is a surprise may depend on your personal familiarity with the game/series. This inspiration is a smaller one but in some of the more dream like confusing parts of the story, the way the wording is meant to loop and double back in a way that feels almost poetic was a huge part. Warning for an early 'Alan Wake 2' spoiler (Intended reading for manuscript page written in alt):

Another inspiration that may become clearer later is the general dealing of how a dreamlike perception over reality. Images like this one from the early game live rent free in my head and help me think about how to describe certain abstract things:

Remedy's general handling of this form of weirdness in a visual medium truly is pretty genius and the work of reinterpreting it into writing has been and will continue to be very enjoyable as i expand more on it in the future.

>Final inspiration I very quickly wanted to touch on is 'The King in Yellow' another fairly obvious one, I have an excerpt in the prologue, it appears in the story and in 'Signalis'. The game especially has a lot of references to it. Ahead of really starting writing I read most of the way through the collection of stories, and finished it while I was writing the first couple chapters. I knew from the start I wanted to really lean into some of the general themes of the anthology and though not obvious as if the end of ACT-1, I will continue to. I highly recommend reading it if only to get a greater understanding of some of the ways 'Signalis' references it. I really feel like it puts a lot in perspective. 'The Demoiselle d'Ys' especially, the latter half of that story really gave me a sense of the love and devotion that is put on display in game.

Okay because describing my decisions behind certain concepts and reasonings requires me to go more in detail I'm putting it below the cut because it carries a bit more spoiler-potential than mere inspiration talk. So if you haven't read the fic please go enjoy it here, beware heavy 'Signalis' spoilers though.

Concepts & Reasonings (Beware Spoilers)

>One of the main things I set out from the start to include in the fic was a lot of the 'weird' things that happen in the game. Moments like when you open the butterfly box and suddenly you're on a mountain top, or when you leave the Penrose for the first time at the beginning of the game. This moment, as well as whenever you first encounter a corrupted Kolibri unit always stuck with me as some of the most memorable moments off the game. That's why I wanted to go out of my way to include them, or moments like them. The first was in the second chapter where Falke uses her bioresonance to infiltrate Tempo's mind and is mentally assaulted in a moment where the narrative intentionally twists and loops over itself which ends with this image:

The image is one of the 'Isle of the dead' paintings overlaid with a German translation of an excerpt from the beginning of the 'King in Yellow'. If you want to read you can refer to this post which has the entire excerpt in full in English. This image was one I made in Krita by of course editing the original and mostly adding details to it to fulfill the vibe that is given when you walk into a room with a corrupted Kolibri and it starts getting bad and you can barely see anything, etc... When it came down to actually including it in the text I was a little on the fence, I for one think that images used sparing enough can really emphasize a moment. Much like some of my other decisions, I know it won't work for everyone, but given the intentionally jarring nature I do feel it fits.

>As for how I went about including the vibe of those first person sequences, I wanted it to feel just as alien and initially sudden as the game handled it. This was done by the use of second person, present tense. As I think was beautifully pointed out in a comment on AO3 by @lopadopalis

The intent was exactly that. To contrast not just in perspective but also subtly in tense as well. To give this almost dreamlike quality I think the first-person sections of the game nailed so well. It's enough that if you glaze past it, you won't pick up on it but it may still leave you that off feeling. That in mind using second-person present tense is likely going to be my way of handling these types of moments going forward, as for the same reason as the image in the text, it gives that slight jarring feeling that is exactly what I'm going for. Hidden in here though is a kind of secret influence I didn't mention before and that is 'Harrow the Ninth'.

While its not so much an influence in terms of content, it is an influence in terms of feeling. This books is in my mind the gold standard of second-person narrative, and it's done so well that no other book was able to make me feel as insane as the first few chapters of this book did. And I say that as a compliment. Go read it (after you read the first book in the series ofc).

>Another thing that was mentioned in the comment from Lopadopalis was the death of the Sierpinski survivors. And that is something I do on some level feel the need to explain. In deciding to kill these characters even as most of them are not shown, I felt a great need to do it well. From the start, I knew I wanted to have them decommissioned, and a big part of that was to really show Dr. Lee's true colors even after they made it clear what stance they hold in regards to Replika life. It was startling to have characters that-were they shown in detail-would have been recognizable to anyone who had played the game, and many did seem to recognize the Ara as she appeared. What worried me was that I would accidentally sweep past it too fast. And I hope that isn't the case. Even if mostly referred to as opposed to shown, it carries some impact and does on some level respect them as legacy characters.

>I feel like I keep giving tanks a million times but I really can't stress how much I appreciate @lynxfrost13 for not just allowing me, but also helping me in including the HOPR who I don't know how to link perfectly so I am linking a lore post that was made: here. Please check it out, and also follow Lynx, genuinely without them I'm not sure I would have made my personal deadline. More generally about the HOPR reference around the middle of Chapter 5; I knew I wanted to include other original Replikas as the ones shown in the game aren't the only ones to exist. However, I'm lazy and didn't want to keep coming up with a ton of Replikas that would end up under-cooked because I couldn't give them each the time they deserved. So I made a post and that's when Lynx reached out and we coordinated a way to include the HOPR as a part of the story not just as a character who will be seen more later, but a part of the lore, connections to existing characters and all. I was (and honestly still am) honored to have have been trusted to write with this unit as a part of my story and I'm so glad Lynx had been available to answer any questions and to check over anything and everything to make sure I'm doing their creation justice. ALSO, that need for original Replikas is still ongoing by the way, if you have one and think it may be cool to have it included, send me a DM or ask! I'd love to try and come up with something, the only one that would probably not work is a Schwan Replika, as the Schwan is the one I've planned for the story (if you did do the same as me though still tell me about it! I'd love to hear about your original Replika types!).

>As one of the last things I very briefly wanted to touch on the relationship as it is portrayed in the fic. One of the things that really pushed me past the 'wouldn't that be neat?' stage of planning this fic and into the 'oh shit it's happening' was the kind of lack of very many Falke/Elster/Ariane fics out there. It was my want to see more that partially caused me to start writing. Many other reasons too, but godddd I have to mention that one. Those 3 make me so ill. It was also partially out of wanting to make a work that will get a lot of eyes on it that kinda presents my interpretation of the Sierpinski S23 Falke having Ariane's memories in addition to Elster's. And thus loves Elster as she does Ariane. It just seems like a thing that isn't necessarily a deep-cut theory, but one that is also at least in my opinion not talked about as much as it should be. Though I do feel like it's picked up a lot of traction very recently. I did write a post on this, most that are willing to read this far into this post have probably already read it but I am gonna link it here anyway.

>Okay, this last part is maybe the most interesting section for the purpose of understanding the general scope of ACT-1 and what changes were made in writing that made it what it is now. To anyone who followed me prior to the publishing of ACT-1, maybe even around when I first started talking about the fic, they may know the intent was for this first part of the story to be much bigger, or maybe a better way to say it is more condensed. ACT-1 was meant to encompass nearly all the time the story spent in the Sierpinski facility. The starting intent was to end with the finalization of the new Replika line teased at the end of Chapter 5, and also in the summary. Overall, things would have been pushed together and likely less time given to characters like Dr. Lee to grow into what they eventually became. The decision to change this scope actually came much later prior to posting than is maybe expected. It was around 2 weeks prior to the 27th, I decided (helped along in the decision by my girlfriend) to make the first ACT what it is now, and expand what was initially 3 chapters into a whole 4 then but now 5. This decision was made not just due to the anniversary growing closer and my concern about missing it, but also because I kept wanting to add more. Chapters began to balloon in length as they became closer to what they now are. It hit a point that, eventually, I had to look at what I had and admit it had far outgrown the initial scope. Deciding then it worked better as the new ACT-1 than all of the time in Sierpinski together. Looking back having posted it, I stand by this decision. This allowed Dr. Lee to bloom into a the character they are now and make the reveal that was their change in demeanor better overall. It also allowed me to expand on some of the aforementioned weirdness moments, the entire section with the Falke looking into Tempo's mind in Carcosa was only a few sentences in that first draft. Lastly it also allowed the build up to where Falke ends up this first draft to feel much better telegraphed and overall better earned; her situation is more believable when more is shown and what that extra space allowed me to set up makes for better moments in the future too!

AND THAT'S THE POST! It's a fuckin big one, but then again there was a lot to talk about. Hopefully this really shows that I mean when I say how much love went into this fic, and how much continues to as it goes on. From fanart (some that's even yet to be released), to incorporating my own enjoyments and personal writing inspirations, even just making the hard decisions so what I make is something I'm proud of. If you read the fic, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. And if you read all the way through this monster of a post, then I really appreciate your dedication to my brain-rot.

[apr1lias]

just got into the fandom side of motogp, was wondering what's your beef w miller? me and my dad don't like him bc of like vibes but I saw your stats post (fucking incredible job dude truly inspiring level of hating, like casey stoner would be proud) but what did he say or do that motivated this??

Again amazing jobs on the stats, my dad rlly appreciated data proving why miller sucks

Hi Anon!

Haha thank you so much! Honestly that post was inspired by having nothing better to do and an entire year’s grudge after some of his comments, and also the feeling that some of my faves stuck on terrible bikes would do a better job on KTM.

Now I wanna say that I have met Jack Miller and in person he does come across as a very nice guy, so as a person I don’t have an issue with him, it’s more as a rider, in the sense that he’s had the machinery to get better results than he has, and just hasn’t done it. He’s also been in the premier class for 9 years and still hasn’t grasped the concept of tyre management, which is so frustrating especially when he’s meant to challenge other riders I dislike out front lmao.

That being said there have been a few issues with some things he’s said off track in the past.

The comments I personally have an issue with are ‘borderline’ misogynistic comments - if I remember rightly when I first started watching MotoGP, he made a comment comparing his bike being temperamental to a girl on her period (something his teammate at the time had done before too), I can’t find the receipts though so I could be confusing him with someone else on that one.

There was also the jumping to defend Pecco when they were Ducati teammates in 2022 after Pecco’s drink-driving incident. Ducati actually blacklisted journalists who tried to ask Pecco about it and in the pre-weekend or post-quali conference (not sure which) Jack basically shut down any question on the DUI from journalists on Pecco’s behalf. It doesn’t sit well with me because

1.) I would like to know from our eventual double world champion why he thinks its acceptable to do that and also face zero repercussions for it.

2.) because if Miller is that strong on someone not being questioned about a DUI and doesn’t think it’s a big deal for the current face of MotoGP to be doing that, then it raises some red flags about Jack tbh.

He also seems to have a massive agenda against Marc Marquez. As I mentioned in the stats post, he ranted about Marc (and Fabio) complaining about his bike, and called him a princess for explaining how bad the Honda was, which wasn’t an exaggeration it was (and still is) clear for everyone to see how bad that bike is. I’ve read while looking for the comments that I mentioned above that apparently he’s also spoken about the Marquez clan “running the paddock” and allegedly refused a handshake from Alex Marquez at Valencia in 2015, which I didn’t know about but it feels like one-sided unwarranted beef against an entire family.

But yeah that’s basically all. He has a very abrasive personality which I suppose you can like or dislike, but personally it’s not for me. I also just think in comparison to what others could do on that KTM, he just doesn’t deserve to be on this grid.

Sorry for the long post but there’s quite a few things that came to mind while writing so hopefully this is helpful!!